Al Fayed’s Hamster’s Diary Serialised Exclusively In The Global News Terrorists

Dear Diary,
20 February 2008.
I have been feeling for some time now that I am being used in some way by my owner Mr Al Fayed. I cannot put my little pink finger on it but somehow I feel embroiled in a conspiracy theory involving members of the Royal Family. Since I was rescued by Mr Al Fayed from a glass tube in Richard Gears bedroom I have felt comfortable in my new surroundings but since the recent court case my insecurities have flooded back. I have read today in the national newspapers that Mr Al Fayed has stated that I have been killed by Prince Phillip does Mr Al Fayed know how that type of rumour could make a Hamster feel? Obviously not.
At last! Some recognition that we hamsters have an important part to play in public life…Thank you!!