New Blue Tongue Decease Hitting British Farmers is Marketing Ploy?


British farmers deny blue tongue is a new decease but is in fact super juicy sweets that are leaving a giving the blue tongue to their animals.

A local farmer, Mr Ted Frottage explained to our paper today. “What with the recent spate of foot and mouth epidemics across the country it’s turning into a very poor year indeed. No one likes to see good livestock being slaughtered like this. Well not unless we farmers are doing it and at a good price that is. These sweet manufacturers just do not understand the misery they are causing to poor farm folk. I say shoot the lot of them, the sweet manufacturers that is, not the animals.”

Makers of the tongue twisting sweets denied that they have secretly been infiltrating the countries farms and offering sweets to unsuspecting animals. Mr Harold Bishop a spokes person for Cavity & Cavity, who make “Super Juicy Sweets”, gave a press briefing today.

“I would like to dispute these scandalous claims in the press an farming world. Cavity & Cavity has never had its reputation called in to question before. We shall be talking to our solicitors on the matter.”

Never scared to confront large organisations or to run away from asking searching questions. We allowed a rival newspaper to ask the following questions in case we get sued.

Mr Bishop was asked if he denied the company he represents had not previously tried to sell controversial sweets to children before. Sweets, that looked like ecstasy tablets as well as sherbet in 10p wraps outside school playgrounds. He was also asked if they had tried to sell a quantity of life sized jelly shotguns to 6-10 year olds in the Manchester Area recently.

Mr Bishop looking rather perplexed replied that this was in the hands of the police and the CPS and so could not comment further. He did however respond that in the 100 years of Cavity & Cavity’s existence they have never worried sheep and other livestock. Therefore he stated they should not now be accused of putting things in animal’s mouths that could leave a bitter taste.

The Crown Prosecution Service said that they along with the police are fully investigating these matter. Unfortunately due to most of the victims being animals they do not think they will be able to get much from any of the victims.

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