Dogs Turn To Drugs To Escape Fireworks

A statement made by the National Veterinary Society today, claims that dogs are turning to hard drugs to escape from their firework nightmares. “Some dogs have been suffering firework distress for many years and are taking to drugs as a last resort”, said a spokesperson for the NVS.

Our investigators have uncovered disturbing statistics regarding dog drug abuse. The statistics show that almost 90% of the British doggy community have ‘dabbled’ in drugs, with nearly 50% of ‘lady dogs’ taking some form of drugs every week. This problem was higlighted recently by British Big Beat band The Prodigy with their charity single “smack my bitch up”.

The lack of canine ‘drop-off’ centre’s, were dogs can go to get treatment for their condition, has lead to a large population of hard-core animals turning to burgalry and other crimes. One such dog was caught last week trying to rob the local off-licence. The off-licence owner was able to identify the criminal by his distinctive gruff accent and burberry dog collar which was visible through the blacked out muffler the offender was wearing as a disguise.

We have received a photograph of the accomplice to this crime who was spotted at the scene but has not yet been caught, if you see the offender, police are warning the public not to approach him, but call dog nappers on 1234-567-890.

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