Panda Research Causes Knee Jerk Reactions

China’s notoriously sex-shy pandas are being put through a rigorous “Sexercise” programme in a new effort to encourage them to mate, state media reported on Tuesday.
It was confirmed that a Panda Breeding and Research Centre in the south-western province of Sichuan is making male pandas walk on their two legs to strengthen their pelvic and hip muscles, to better prepare them for sex. The move, which is achieved by luring male pandas up with an apple, looks remarkably like a dance routine and is aimed to boost the animal’s sexual stamina. At one stage it had also been reported that a multi-gym had been installed at the centre to encourage further strengthening of muscles for the panda populace.

Giant pandas are known to be sexually inactive, but the new measure follows several other initiatives taken to try and encourage breeding, including the recently reviewed panda pornography in your favourite magazine. The quirky measures aim to ensure the survival of one of the world’s most endangered animals.

The rigorous regime of exercise has caused some concern however in the Panda compound. Just recently a handful of muscle bound panda’s had been sighted at the research centre sniffing their own armpits and flexing their muscles in exhibition type poses and in the tiniest of thongs. Two of the pandas concerned have also been found to be taking banned steroids. The side affects of these substances as is well documented, can result in the shrinking not only of the pandas libido but also its manhood too. A halt to some of the activities has been called for by leading experts for fear of rapidly increasing the demise of the panda population.

On a happier note however, more than 30 percent of pandas at the base in Chengdu can now have sex naturally, compared to just 10 percent a decade ago, according to the report. A steroid watch has been set in place at the research centre to ensure no further blatant acts of drug abuse take place.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

  • Archives

  • Submit your site to search engines This site is listed under Political Satire Directory
%d bloggers like this: