Deadly Inflictions Suffer Under Hospital Restrictions
Rumours abound that hospitals are now turning away patients who are not carrying the hospital bug (MRSA) or its cousin the super bug (CDIFF). A hospital spokesman for the Essex Health Authority categorically denied such slanderous rumours. “We can assure you that this is positively not the case. And no I am not crossing my fingers behind my back I merely have an itch.” The spokesman would not answer any other questions but to reconfirm the health authorities continuing stance.
News of this alleged exclusion of other known diseases has reached the head of the biggest medical union in Britain. The Allied Institute of Diseases of the Sick (A.I.D.S.) confirmed that its members are very alarmed indeed by the current policy in our hospitals. Mr H Pylori, head of the union spoke out strongly about this current trend.
“I would like to make it clear that our union members are very angry by these turn of events. It is true that some of our colleagues have been getting turned away by hospitals as they are not deemed worthy enough to set foot on hospital grounds. Only yesterday an amalgamated branch of ours in Surrey made up of Ecoli, Hepatitis B and C and strains of pneumonia were turned away for not being deadly enough. In another case in Devon some of our members were also refused entry just because they were from the Legionnaires, cholera and typhoid families of diseases. This exclusion in British hospitals should be stopped before the current monopoly by these trendier diseases gets too strong to stop. We ask the Government to step in open up our dirty wards to normal diseases like our membership.”
The Global News Terrorists asked the Health Minister to comment on the chaos weakening the once proud health service. The Health Minister was unfortunately unavailable to answer our searching questions. It would appear to all in the Health Service that when it comes to infectious diseases the Health Minister tends to wash his hands of such matters.