Bin Laden in Global News Terrorists Exclusive Interview

This much I know

Osama Bin laden, Terrorist and house wife, 45, Location somewhere in the world.

I don’t need attention. Frankly I get far more than any one person should.

I have been accused of being anti-social or was that the anti-Christ, well something like that. I like my privacy but who doesn’t these days. People calling in uninvited it’s just not for me.

I’ve done bad interviews that weren’t as polished as they should have been but who hasn’t. I blame it on America if they weren’t in such a rush to get me I wouldn’t have to move around so much and do my interviews in caves and dodgy locations.

Money can’t buy you love. I should know but what woman would want to live in these conditions year in year out. Funny as it would seem money can’t buy you love but you can get one hell of a missile with it.

I stopped watching television years ago. The instant ITV stopped producing Crossroads, well, it was a cross road for me let’s leave it at that.

Who doesn’t find monkeys dressed in clothes and smoking cigarettes funny? I do, get a life.

Drinking was something I always said I wouldn’t do. That was until I realised water comes in to that equation as well.

I have a lot of time for puzzels I have a Sudoku champions certificate from the News of The World newspaper. Well in here you have more than enough time on your hands unless one had been caught stealing twice that is.

As for Quizz shows I can’t get enough of them! Crosswits is a particular favourite that Tom O’Connor is brilliant. I believe he has just been given a new job on Al Jazeer TV, wonderful.

Have I ever had therepy? I once went to the same therepist as George Bush. Not that we ever talked to each other in the waiting room. I did manage to get things off my chest which helped for a while but Michael Jackson’s greatest hits soon crept back into my head after a few weeks of peace.

I never liked school much. The teacher used to beat me all the time if i did anything wrong or even if i did something right. What was all that about? I used to ask myself that quite a lot until I realised I’d been living a fantastical life and I’d visiting a dominatrix for 4 years.

Do you remember that old 1960’s show Batman? Now that was a cave. Some of the things he had in it were amazing. If they had a Caves Top Trumps card game that would be the top crib for me.

How do I sleep at night? Why it’s amazing how a cup of Horlicks or Ovalteen can take the aches and pains away. Add one chocolate Hobnob into the equation, heaven.

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