Government Flushed Over Industrial Action

Reading, chatting, eating and texting are among the favourite activities of Britons on the toilet, according to a recent survey.

The study suggests more than 14 million people in the UK read newspapers, books and magazines on the loo. The poll points to eight million people talking – either on the phone or to family – and one in five send texts.

TURD, the Trade Union for Rectal Dignity, have called for its members to come out on strike against the use of toilets for non faecal activity. Ken Stott speaking on behalf of his union confirmed, “For far too long now people have stopped using our affiliated members for natural purposes. The recent survey only reiterates the outcome our members have been forced to experience over the last few years. We call on the government to make a U-Bend (surly U-Turn: Ed) on its decision to allow such a travesty to escalate. An official strike will be in place from Saturday evening till Monday evening this week. All our members are in agreement and an all in strike vote was achieved with 97% of our members backing our official action.”

Doctors have called for the government to try and stem the flow of strike action over fears it may irritate the National Health Service even further than it already is. One Government Agency also expressed its fear that the expected industrial action could in fact blow up in the Prime Ministers face if not handled carefully.

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