Breathing Can Cause Cancer Experts Warn

Breathing could damage your health leading scientists have confirmed. New research by scientists at Manchester University has stated that too much intake of oxygen can lead to cancer. Early test results show that people who breathe too much are more likely to be diagnosed with inoperable cancer.

One person who has welcomed the news is serial asphyxiation lover Ken Stott who has been living on reduced oxygen for some time now. “This news has come as a great relief to me. I feel like my love of cutting off the oxygen flow to my brain finally has some purpose. I just hope others learn to enjoy the experience just as much as I do!”

After a spate of news reports stating that big muscles reduce the risk of cancer and sitting out in the sun can reduce the risk of Alzheimer’s this new report is receiving mixed responses across the world.

Joan Armstrong, 52 from West London had the following to say on hearing the news, “To be honest I don’t know which way to turn. Every day a new claim is made by so called scientists and God knows how we are meant to tell truth from fiction. I don’t like sitting out in the sun but I don’t want to get Alzheimer’s and the thought of paying annual gym fees for nothing more than a hot shower a few times a year fills me with dread. However, now we are meant to believe that not breathing can reduce cancer. It sounds like a lot of hot air to me.”

The Government has denied that supplies of Gimp Masks have been bought in extremely large quantities should a pandemic of breathing manifest itself in the coming weeks.

3 Responses to “Breathing Can Cause Cancer Experts Warn”
  1. Elvis says:

    er, if you hold your breath at the point of orgasm it’s actually quite nice you know- just a little tip…

  2. Anonymous says:

    at this rate it won’t be long until you’ve had 100,000 hits

  3. Anonymous says:

    oh kenny boy! The pipes the pipes are calling, from glen to glen and down the mountainside……

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