Today’s Horoscopes Bringing Your Future Before It’s Too Late


Aries Mar 21 – April 19
Phone calls bring surprises today. There is much you will have to discuss with friends and family after you are arrested on embezzlement charges over the Christmas savings account.

Leo July 24 -Aug 23
This should be a very interesting week for you, making a change to an otherwise dull and unexciting existence.

Sagittarius Nov23-Dec21
Life can be like a merry go round and as ever you will soon be unsteady on your feet looking like the drunken bum your parents always knew you would turn out to be.

Taurus Apr 21 – Mar21
You may decide to make a change in your plans which will not matter to Death as he is already waiting at your new location with a smile on his face.

Virgo Aug 24 – Sep 23
A new way to deal with a personal matter comes your way today but remember it could lead to an 18 – 20 year stretch in a top security prison if found out.

Capricorn Dec 22 – Jan 20
You find you can end the day on a real high after finding that bulging purse and contacting your local dealer.

Gemini May 22 – Jun 21
You haven’t exactly been accommodating to a close one this week but after 25 years of marriage who can blame you.

Libra Sep 24 – Oct 23
You learn new things about yourself this week when you happen to read the graffiti on the office toilet door. It isn’t pretty.

Aquarius Jan 21 – Feb 19
Love ones are trying to get a reaction from you. Don’t take the bate by punching them in the face. Wait till they are not looking and spit in their drink you will thank me in the long run.

Cancer Jun 22 – Jul 23
Go and see you doctor today the news isn’t good.

Scorpio Oct 24 – Nov 22
Travel will be tedious today just like that women’s conversation you listen too every single day of the week. Take the week off as she may have found another family member with an incurable illness to talk to you about.

Pisces Feb 20 – Mar 20
Don’t decline last minute invitations; they could bring your birthday and Christmas all at once. Provided that is, that you were born on Christmas day and you have managed to lose four months of your life.

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