Weekly Horoscopes

Aries Mar 21 – April 19
It’s proving easy to upset those around you today. Try doing it with a smile on your face it will hurt them more that way.

Leo July 24 -Aug 23

This is not a great day for starting things so don’t even try. It’s Monday and we know you would rather be at home informing the police about your neighbour’s activities.

Sagittarius Nov23-Dec21
You are aiming way to high today and lets face it can you really afford another new assistant for you Wild West Shooting act?

Taurus Apr 21 – Mar21

Patience is the key to your success today. Bite your tongue and don’t panic that rumour about your work colleague you posted on the office message board will soon bring dividends.

Virgo Aug 24 – Sep 23

With the sun in your chart you hold the power to open doors which were previously closed. This is sure to come in handy with all those shopping bags you are expecting to be carrying this afternoon.

Capricorn Dec 22 – Jan 20
You will be doing all you can today to find out what close ones are willing to commit to. However, saying that murder may be too extreme, for some of you older relatives.

Gemini May 22 – Jun 21

New regimes prove most successful. Looks like all of your fathers enemies may be taken care of without the need for years of planning.

Libra Sep 24 – Oct 23
Think before you speak, your tourettes hasn’t been cured as you may think right now.

Aquarius Jan 21 – Feb 19
A love one isn’t pulling their weight in the home and you are not sure how to broach the subject. You don’t have to it is written all over your face “Lazy B@$£&%?”

Cancer Jun 22 – Jul 23

Today the stars favour peace talks. Just a pity the Israeli and Palestinian exchange students are visiting the same week.

Scorpio Oct 24 – Nov 22
This is a great time for you both professionally and personally which should be great news to the evil witches you call friends. Soon they will forget their differences and gang up to make you life the hell you deserve.

Pisces Feb 20 – Mar 20

A new face has entered your life lately. Don’t force them into the lives of close ones straight away. Rest assured in time he will have made love to them all without your help.
One Response to “Weekly Horoscopes”
  1. Anonymous says:

    haha! Love these ones Greg

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

  • Archives

  • Submit your site to search engines This site is listed under Political Satire Directory
%d bloggers like this: