Man Cuts Off Own Member In Front Of Shocked Customers

Doctors desperately tried to re-attach a man’s penis after he burst into a crowded Kirkby restaurant on Saturday and proceeded to hack his own organ off in front of open-mouthed diners. The man from the Tower Hill area of Kirkby, ran into the crowded restaurant at about 8.30pm on Saturday night. It was busy at the time with shoppers who had been enjoying the thrills of the world famous Kirkby Market earlier in the day.

Sales rep Jay McGonagall, who was eating at the restaurant with his girlfriend at the time confirmed, “A man came running in to the restaurant shouting loudly. He then ran into the kitchen and came back out waving a large knife about.” “Everyone started screaming when the man then jumped on a table, dropped his pants and popped his penis out. I thought he was a child at first as no way did that thing belong on a man, not that I look at men’s do-dars mind. He proceeded to then cut his own penis off.” Restaurant staff called the police and an ambulance. The man was taken to hospital along with his severed Penis in a bag of ice.

A spokesman for the local Hospital, where the man was taken, confirmed that doctors had attempted to re-attach the organ – but would not say if the procedure had been successful. Dr Bobbitt did have this to say on the matter, “I am sure you are all aware this is a very sore point at the moment for the patient. We are currently waiting for him to wake up after surgery. The hospital administration, have asked that members of the press and general public cease calling our phone lines. The lines need to be kept clear unless it is an emergency. Also can the person who keeps ringing asking for the patient to “give them a bell” when he is better, is wasting our time and valuable resources.”

Police are dealing with the matter seriously and are still trying to understand the reasons for such a horrific self attack. Police Sergeant Christopher Peel confirmed that the attack as far as they can confirm had no link to the “shopping experience” at Kirkby Market.

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