One In Four Now In Education In England

More than one in four of the entire population of England is now in education or training, according to figures from the government.
There are about 14.5 million people in nursery, school, post-16 courses, vocational training and university.

“This is great news as it means we can provide an ever decreasing level of standards of education to greater numbers of pupils and students than previously reached. The figures mean that for every two people in work, there is now more than one person in education wasting their time. Our members are going to have to work harder now to ensure higher numbers of dodgy pass rates are achieved by next year,” Prof. Ken Stott of the Teachers Union confirmed.

It cannot be confirm how many in education are likely to train to be teachers or classroom assistants.

Brian Patterson Head Master at King Alfred’s junior school had this to say on the matter, “Based on previous years figures it no doubt will be high. We have a high number of mothers who feel the need to work at schools because they need to be near their children. In the same way we have a large volume of paedophiles screaming out to join the rank and files. It looks like the future is going to be rosy in education.”

“It looks more like Rosy had better watch herself based on those figures!” Patrick Duffy, MP for Strobe and Hatchel remarked upon hearing the news.

And an employment expert says the big unanswered question is how to pay for such unprecedented numbers. We guess that will be up to the department of Mathematicians to work out in the end.


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