England’s Worst Secrets Recorded In Hotel Bug Shock


The Football Association is looking into a security breach after a tape emerged purporting to carry discussions between England coaches and players. The FA is now worried that other countries may learn how to almost come unstuck by so called lesser teams.

A spokesperson for the England Team had this to say on the incident, “This is terrible news, if in fact it is true. We are not taking this news lightly, if such a breach has been made, we will need to tighten up our security as well as the back four. We cannot allow other international teams to learn our secrets; otherwise they will all be fielding inept footballers like Wes Brown in their teams!”

The recording, allegedly made at the England hotel as the squad prepared for last week’s friendly with Egypt, has been offered to media outlets.
And it is unclear whether it was obtained through a bugging device or by the intercepting of phone calls. “It’s a nightmare for Capello, if news of Gary Neville’s alleged return to the squad can be confirmed” said BBC sports news correspondent Ken Stott.

Experts are shocked that this could happen at all particularly so close to the World Cup Tournament in South Africa this summer. “It’s one thing letting the cat out of the bag when it comes to which footballer boasts they have the biggest penis and who has shagged the most girls in a night. But, it’s another thing when the nation’s crappiest footballers are leaked before the World Cup has even started.

The Football Association are currently looking in to which footballer was overheard boasting on the recording about having a Sunday roast prior to the Wednesday nights game. “All footballers know it is wrong to eat such a rich fatty meal before a game of football. I will be having a word with the player once we have established who it is and providing him with a reminder on the dietary needs of professionals in the modern game.”

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