Student Loans Expected To Increase As Mephedrone To Be Banned On Friday.


The Home Office has confirmed that Mephedrone will become an illegal drug later this week.

Following the completion of the formal parliamentary process, the so-called legal high will be classified as a Class B drug from 16 April.
From that date anyone possessing the substance could face five years in prison and the maximum sentence for dealing the drug will be 14 years.

Upon hearing the news, industry experts announced that Banks and Building Societies will be expecting increases in the size and amount of student loans compared to previous years.

Kevin, who is in his second year at Bristol University, confirmed today, “all my friends have managed to get bigger loans; well the one’s who are still alive that is, and obviously I don’t want to be missing out myself!”

The drug, which is sold on the internet and is labelled as “plant food”, has been linked with several UK deaths this year. The move to ban the substance comes despite the resignation of two government drugs advisers over the issue.

Police have confirmed that anyone changing their names by deed poll to those of plants , be they their English or Latin names will still be prosecuted if caught in possession of Mephedrone. So anyone calling themselves names like Rosa Macrophylla, Chrysanthemum Indicum or Lilium Bulbiferum , be warned you are likely to be completing your degree at Her Majesty’s pleasure.

Rumours that some students studying genetics at a South Wales University have resorted to injecting plant DNA into themselves in order to mutate in to plant life cannot be confirmed as yet. However, the head of faculty at the University confirmed it wouldn’t be the first time a student has put something foreign inside them that shouldn’t have been there.

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