Pensioners Shocked No One Wants To Know Them Now The Election Is Over

Pensioners are today recoiling from the aftershock of what political experts are calling; “post election blues” it has been reported in the media.

After weeks of frantic pestering from local political parties and their election teams on their doorsteps, they have woken up this morning to a feeling of sad and lonely emptiness.

Iris Greening a teary eyed 84 year old retired post mistress announced, “They should be ashamed of themselves leaving us poor lonely pensioners like this. I have had hundreds of people abusing my knocker like I am just some tuppeny whore over the last few weeks. I have and strangers enquiring who I am voting for and if I was aware of this policy or that policy. They make me sick and now all I have is Jeremy Kyle on the television to keep me sane”

“I woke up this morning and absolutely nothing at all, no mail thru the door or any tall handsome men calling me dear. I was beginning to feel happy for once and now I am discarded to the wayside because the election is all over. What a gang of utter gobshites, now I have been left once again to wallow in my own self defecating skin. At least I have all the leaflets to remind me when I was popular and they will keep the heat in once I have pasted them all to my living room walls!” Harry Shale, another disgruntled pensioner confirmed this morning.

Experts have confirmed that this was bound to happen once the elderly had cast their votes. “Why else would a politician want to go near pensioners? Its not like your local MP’s enjoy contracting MRSA after touching these people is it?” Jeremy Paxman retorted as he left BBC News Centre in the early hours of this morning.

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