Simon Cowell To Be Knighted For Dross On Television


Simon Cowell is to be knighted for his contribution to the puerile $hit on national and international television. The music mogul, who stars as a judge on The X Factor and Britain’s Got Talent and American Idol, was recommended by Gordon Brown before he stepped down as Prime Minister.
The former Labour leader was impressed by Cowell’s continuous search for talentless fodder for his television shows. “It kept the nation busy during the recent economic downturn which we can only be grateful for.
TV’s Mr Nasty showed his good-natured side by allowing dancing dogs, children, care in the community patients and old aged pensioners to be laughed and mocked at mercilessly on his Britain’s Got Talent television show.
A recent contestant on the Britain’s Got Talent Show, Brian Dribble was elated at the news. “It’s wonderful that Simon is at last getting the recognition for what he has done for television. I went to the Manchester heat of his show and if it wasn’t for Simon how else would I have been able to show the nation what a complete talentless moron I truly am? After all it is not often a 48 year old bachelor can attempt to eat 28 After Eight Mints and fail on national television?”
Simon Cowell also helped to raise almost £1million by getting the likes of Cheryl Cole, Leona Lewis and Robbie Williams to record charity single Everybody Gets Stung for the Bee Keepers Benevolent Fund for which he is a patron.
Westminster sources confirmed that Cowell would be knighted in the Queen’s Birthday Honours on June 12. A new set of ermine high wasted trousers are currently being made for the music mogul for the special occasion it has been reported.
“Gordon Brown was very keen for Simon to get proper recognition for his work.”
“And there’s also no doubt Simon has brought a great deal of happiness to television and telephone companies over the years with his TV shows.”
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