Weekly Horoscopes

Aries It would be in your interest to remember the motto forewarned is forearmed. So when next in the wrestling ring remember to watch out for that forearm that is about open your nose up like a burst sausage.

Leo Someone who you thought didn’t care for you is about to prove you right get on with it.

Sagittarius Don’t talk to people you do not really know. They are not interested in your sad lonely existence anymore than your mum and dad is.

Taurus you know you have no intention of honouring the promises you made so put the election behind you and enjoy your new found power.

Virgo Your life is the centre of so much speculation and you feel everyone is watching you right now. Unfortunately it is 1942 and you live in occupied France. Expect an unexpected visit in the middle of the night.

Capricorn You have a lot on your mind right now but that is to be expected seeing as both God and the Devil keep talking to you about their problems.

Gemini Paperwork sent off now can see you getting ahead of the competition. Just be careful your associates do not realise what you are up to. You could be left holding up the new motorway in a concrete grave.

Libra You know you have learnt a lot over the years but somehow being able to walk thru speeding cars on the motorway whilst drunk isn’t one of them.

Aquarius Someone who you thought was going to back out on a deal has had a change of heart. It’s just a pity you have already burnt all his clothes and left his cat in the microwave oven.

Cancer You are going to have to slow down a little seeing as you’re not long for this world.

Scorpio Arrogance is not an attractive trait but why should you care they are all beneath you anyway.

Pisces Dealing with a delicate family matter could be difficult this week. She is your grandmother after all and it is doubtful your parents will understand your carnal desires.

2 Responses to “Weekly Horoscopes”
  1. Anonymous says:

    i love these horoscope posts- more please 🙂

  2. belfast1965 says:

    Thank you for leaving your comment we will keep them coming

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