Government To Infect Citizens To Justify £1.24 Billion Costs

The Con/Lib government leader David Cameron announced yesterday that drastic measure are to be made after it was confirmed the true cost of  the recent flu pandemic.

THE swine flu pandemic cost UK taxpayers £1.24billion in a “hugely expensive farce”, critics said last night.

However, a report, commissioned by the Health Department, says lessons must be learnt because another flu pandemic is inevitable. However, it concludes that the amount of money spent was justified and that it had been better to be safe than sorry.

At the height of the flu pandemic last summer, the Government warned that, in a worst-case scenario, up to 65,000 people could die. To protect the public, more than 100 million doses of a swine flu jab were ordered to provide every man, woman and child with two doses each.

A government spokesman confirmed, “In order to make sure that future pandemics are not as costly the government plans to slowly release the flu virus in the country over a six week period. This will enable the surplus supplies of drugs bought from manufacturers to be used up. Obviously we will have to allow a couple of thousand people to die first  just to scare the populous. Only then we will start using the surplus vaccine stocks.”

When asked which areas would be targeted for such an operation, ” Well of course it would be best released in to areas of high unemployment and social deprivation so the entire North of the country.”

Further measures to be introduced by Mr Cameron’s government are the reintroduction of the plague and just to pacify some on the Tory back bencher’s the summary burnings of witches and and errant priests.

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