Tim Lovejoy : Why I’m Now a Massive Germany Fan….Unless they lose tomorrow.

A lot of people have asked me this last week, “Tim what did you think of England’s World Cup performance?” obviously expecting the kind of witty, incisive yet immensely knowledgeable remark that has made me famous and admired throughout the land.

 Well, were they in for a surprise! Because here is my answer, fellow-footy fans. I don’t care. I’m just not interested in England any more. Why would a successful go-getter like Tim Lovejoy, creator of the epoch-defining Soccer AM, have any time for a bunch of losers like the England football team?

 Don’t get me wrong, fair do’s guv, JT and Lamps are still alright for now cos my beloved Chelsea (who I’m a huge lifetime supporter of, yeah?) won the league last season. But as Europe’s most popular media figure and founder of the runaway success story that is my internet channel Bee TV (coming up tonight: On the Lash with Kasabian 9pm; Fly-on-the-wall documentary following Britain’s most exciting rock band as they frequent London’s most exclusive nightspots; you know the ones? The ones that don’t let scum like you within a mile of them! Well them ones. Watch as Tom and Serge and the other two drink some beers with hilarious consequences!)  I can’t and won’t have my reputation dragged down by association to a failing football team. In fact, I never liked them anyway and you can’t prove I did okay?

 So what I’m saying yeah is that there’s only one national team that’s a perfect match for me; youthful, cosmopolitan, likeable and successful. That’s right, I’m talking Germany people! Once again, young Timothy’s ahead of the curve in having always been a massive supporter of Germany. Remember kids, I got in there before the rest of you lot who are now jumping on the bandwagon just cos they beat pathetic old England. You make me sick you Inglisher schweinhunts!

 ………..Having said all that, if Spain win tomorrow night, you can wrap my talbots in Jamon Serrano and call me Pedro.

Auf weidershen losers.

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