X Factor Joe Comes Out while Cowell goes Cruising

X Factor winner Joe McElderry is said to be elated at the overwhelmingly positive reaction from the public to his announcement last week that he is gay.

The incandescent-toothed Geordie singer said he was “blown away” by the goodwill messages he has received both from fans and fellow celebrities alike, on his Twitter feed today. Fellow showbusiness Twitterers Stephen Fry, Derren Brown, Fiona Phillips and Ashton Kutcher have all posted messages of support. Kutcher, Showbiz’s premier timewaster, perhaps put it best with “Dunno who this gay guy is but if it gets me in the papers its all good lol.”

One public figure who hasn’t yet been in touch with the recently-gay pop star however is X Factor supremo, Simon Cowell. This is, however, “absolutely not” because the Lego-faced puppet-master did not wish to be publicly associated in any way with celebrity gayness, according to Cowell’s agent Rex Scumbag. Mr Scumbag was eager to stress that “the only reason Simon has not been in touch is that he is currently enjoying a Mediterranean cruise with fellow showbiz pals Sinitta and Paul McKenna and is strictly not to be disturbed.” 

It is not known how Cowell and the creepy, fame-obsessed, money-grabbing manipulator of the weak became friends or what they could possibly have in common but it is understood that McKenna is currently assisting the karaoke pimp overcome problems in his on-off relationship with fiancée Mezhgan Hussainy.

Incidentally, Paul McKenna’s new self-help book “I Can Stop You From Looking At Other Men’s Bums” is out in all good bookshops today.

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