Are Our War Monuments Too Sexy?


Woman convicted of desecrating Cenotaph

A DRUNKEN woman has been convicted of urinating and performing a sex act on a man at Blackpool’s memorial to Britain’s war dead.

Are War Memorials Just Too Sexy For The British Public? The Rank News investigates the hidden truth behind an alarming trend.

A rise in public disorder arrests involving British war memorials has brought the all to often question are our monuments just too sexy for their own good?

 “I saw its long phallic shape and had the urge to give my man a blowy”, announced Margaret Jones.

 “You just don’t realise how damned sexy these monuments can be. I wouldn’t normally do such a thing but I have noticed for weeks prior to the incident that I had the urge to get horny every time I walked past my local monument. It was almost like it was daring me to get low down and dirty with it!”

Dr Ken Stott, a leading expert has confirmed that more and more incidents like this are mostly likely to occur given the amount of alcohol the British public consume and the tall phallic shapes of most of the monuments around the country.

 “Sexual acts in public areas have always been reported and it is certainly not the modern day trend some make it out to be I can assure you. However, the latest incidents show that urinating and sexual acts appear to be on the rise. One has to wonder if such incidents are not down to the outright sexiness of the tall penile shape that the majority of such monuments are given by their designers.”

Miss Jones has apologised for the incident but has not ruled out any similar lewd acts taking place in the future. “I blame all those people who died. If it wasn’t for them having a monument to their sacrifice I wouldn’t be in the mess I am right now!”

Blackpool police have denied that a large condom will be placed over the monument in order to keep it clean should any further incidents take place.

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