Qur’an-Burning Dipshit Offers to Fight Afghan War On His Own

The controversial Pastor Terry Jones, who plans to stage a Qur’an burning day to mark the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, has today offered to make an astonishing sacrifice to salvage his ‘event’.

The planned book-burning at Jones’ Dove World Outreach Centre in Gainesville, Florida has been criticised by Secretary of State Hillary Clinton as “a disrespectful and disgraceful act”. However, it is believed that it was last night’s warning by David Petreus, the US and Nato Commander in Afghanistan that US troops are likely to face the deadly repercussions of such an act that has made Rev Jones think again.

Thus it was that this morning the gun-toting pastor announced that he “did not wish to put the lives of American troops at risk” and therefore he “would be happy to stand in for our brave boys and fight the Taliban by myself.” When asked to confirm that he was making a serious offer, Rev Jones declared solemnly “Not that I would be alone of course as I would have the greatest army in the world. The army of God. Anyway, I’ve seen Rambo 3 where Rambo and Colonel Trautmann on their own take on and beat the crap out of the entire Mujahadeen so I know it’s do-able.”

Pastor Jones is said to have given President Obama 24 hours to either accept or decline his offer. The White House has yet to make any public comment on the ultimatum but our sources suggest it is unlikely for the World’s major military power to withdraw all of it’s soldiers from a war zone and replace them with a publicity-seeking preacher.

Jones’ plans to burn the Qu’ran have been slammed by many American religious leaders including Washington Roman Catholic archbishop emeritus Cardinal Theodore McCarrick, Rabbi David Saperstein, head of the Union for Reform Judaism, and Dr Michael Kinnamon of the National Council of Churches who all said they were “appalled by such disrespect for a sacred text”.

However, the most damning indicment has come from the Pastor’s namesake, Monty Python star Terry Jones, who today declared “He’s not the messiah, he’s a very naughty boy!”

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