David Miliband Quits Shadow Cabinet Over Angel Delight Snub


 

Some Angel Delight yesterday

David Miliband has announced today that he is not prepared to serve under his brother Ed and that he intends to retire from front-line Labour politics.

The Shadow Foreign Secretary, who had been the overwhelming favourite to win the Labour leadership race right up until last Saturday, denied that his decision was a personal reaction to losing the race to his younger brother. “This is not a personal reaction to losing the race to my younger brother” he said this afternoon.

A Party member close to David Miliband explained that “whilst there has been plenty of gossip speculating that David is bitter at being usurped by Brother Ed, I can promise you that nothing could be further from the truth. David and Ed are as close ideologically as they have ever been and I can assure you that whilst you Johnnies in the Press are trying to poison the well by wrongly attributing nasty and insulting quotes to David about Ed. Like what you say? You know only too well pal. Well….stuff like ‘Judas’, ’round-faced bug-eyed traitor’ and ‘dream-stealing bastard’. That’s the sort of thing that I can categorically state did not come from us.”

When pushed as to the reason why David has decided he is unable to serve under Ed, our source, a senior Labour figure recently elevated to the House of Lords, said that it was simply due to a recent domestic disagreement between the brothers.  “Put simply, David wanted Angel Delight for afters and Ed wanted a Bird’s Trifle but Harriet Harman explained to them that they could only have one or the other as the Party cupboard was almost bare after this year’s costly General Election campaign. After a lengthy discussion, it was decided that, as the older brother, David should prevail and so Harriet went off to prepare the Angel Delight. However, when Harriet returned with the delicious treat she was accompanied by Union leader Derek Simpson who, to David’s horror, presented the bowl of butterscotch loveliness to Ed. Obviously David was livid as the Angel Delight had been his idea all along and he felt that it was his time to gorge on the sweet silky mousse of power. Has this torturous metaphor gone far enough for you by now? OK, cheers.”

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