Noticing Things With Michael McIntyre

  Hello readers! Popular comedian Michael McIntyre here and welcome to my new weekly column where I share with you some of the hilarious things I’ve noticed this week.  So without ado, let us commence. Car doors eh? What are they like? They only open one way! There I was the other day, about to … Continue reading

The Rank News Magazine 29th October

The Rank News Magazine full to the brim with made up stories and untruthful celebrity gossip Dangerous packages found on route to America flights first pictures released alarms the world. Are Muslim Cacti taking over your greenhouse? Related Articles Obama says packages posed ‘credible threat’ (independent.co.uk) Obama Says Packages to U.S. From Yemen Had Explosives … Continue reading

Cherie To Sell More On Ebay

Cherie Blair is selling her husband Tony on Ebay after finding him cluttering the space under her stairs. Unfortunately with only hours to go she has had no bidders so far. Ebay are looking in to the matter after complaints have been made about alleged goods tainted with blood money. Some have  asked that they be … Continue reading

David Cameron Denies A ‘Social Cleansing’ Policy

Prime Minister Cameron denied today that he planned to rid London of its poor. The  planned changes to housing benefit, announced in last week’s Spending Review, has been claimed could affect an estimated 17,000 people in London if introduced in full. Several London-based MPs have attacked the proposed new caps, due to come into effect … Continue reading

Thousands Of Men To Claim They Also Groped Whilst Asleep

Thousands of men are queuing up to claim that they too have the ‘Sexsomania’ condition after a 33 year old from London was cleared of sexual assault. The 33 year-old window fitter from London was cleared of sexual assault today after he claimed he was suffering from the rare medical condition ‘sexsomnia’ – sexual activity … Continue reading

Easytone Workman’s Boots Coming To A House Near You

Reecrack the builders choice

What Do You Think? New Portable Breast Scanners To Go On Sale

A radical new portable breast scanner could soon allow women to undergo breast screening in their own home. The device has been invented by Professor Zhipeng Wu, of Manchester University and uses radio waves, like a microwave oven, to scan tissue for suspicious lumps. It is shaped like a cup which can fit over a … Continue reading

Manned One-Way Mission To Mars To Help America’s Future

NASA is planning an audacious mission to send the first manned spacecraft on a one-way mission to permanently settle on other planets. The ambitious idea is known as the Hundred Year Starship and will send astronauts to colonise planets like Mars knowing they could never come home. NASA Ames Director Ken Stott revealed that one … Continue reading

As Paul The Octopus Dies German Police Search For Suspect

Paul the Octopus, who rose to worldwide fame for correctly predicting the winner of several World Cup 2010 games, died at the age of 2 1/2. The lifeless body of the octopus was discovered in his tank early Tuesday morning according to a spokesman at the Sea Life Aquarium in Oberhausen, Germany. It has been … Continue reading

Glenn Beck Finally Convinced by Theory of Evolution With Discovery Of “Half-Monkey, Half-Person”

Lachrymose Fox News presenter Glenn Beck has made a sensational U-Turn today on his claim that the theory of evolution was “ridiculous” because he had yet to see a “half-monkey, half-person” after he saw this amazing evidence on ESPN.

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