Sod Jesus It’s All About Keeping Kids Obese!


easter egg in box

Supermarkets are reluctant to stock specially branded Easter eggs which mention Jesus on the packaging, the Church of England said yesterday.

The chocolate eggs are being produced by the Church next Easter after it found that none of the 80 million on sale this year had a religious theme.

The packaging around the £3.99 Real Easter Egg carries a panel explaining how Christians believe that Christ was crucified on Good Friday and rose again on Easter Sunday.

‘Many believe that chocolate eggs represent the boulder that sealed his tomb,’ the box tells buyers.

After negotiations with stockists, the Church has found that some large chains are resistant to stocking such overtly religious products for children. A CofE official said: ‘Despite the obvious demand, not all UK supermarkets are planning to stock the egg next year.’

Darren Phillips, 10 year-old form Dagenham was left dazed by the news as he enjoyed his afternoon bucking off from school.

“Your kidding me mate, there’s no way Jesus invented chocolate eggs. He didn’t did he?”

A leading brand name in the market has come out and explained why there is a such a reluctance to support the Church of England’s campaign.

“To be honest with you it’s all fine preaching to the masses about the real meaning about Easter but to be honest you no one cares. The true meaning these days is to ensure kids stay obese and our profits continue to sky rocket each spring.”

Chihuahua Stewart, 21 year old mother of two 2 from Birkenhead was concerned upon hearing the news.

“Does this mean I have to buy my two brats chocolate crosses as well as the usual Barbie and Mars Bar eggs? Why cant the church leave our traditional celebrations alone. Everyone knows Easter is all about new clothes and pigging out on lots of chocolate. They can’t be seriously expecting people to believe that when Jesus died his body was sealed in a tomb by a Cadbury’s Cream Egg!”

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