Weekly Horoscopes 4-8 October 2010


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Aries

Your dreams of being rich and famous haven’t quite turned out the way you wanted them to have they? Perhaps poor and infamous will have to do after you receive an 18 year prison sentence for murder.

 Leo

Being at the top of the food chain keeps you feeling smug today but wait till tomorrow when your trapped in a pit full of mad hungry wolves, lets see who is smiling then.

 Sagittarius

Don’t let your fondness for harming people get in the way of your nursing career, after all your Munchausen’s Syndrome by proxy condition will just go to waste.

 Taurus

You seek solace in the arms of a stranger today which could lead to a sticky ending. It is Victorian England after all and seeing as you reside in the East End it would be wise to choose your strangers well.

 Virgo

You will achieve more today than you did for the whole of last month but this may have something to do with the last written warning from your line manager than a real willingness to do any actual work.

 Capricorn

Your earth element is making it hard for you to get away right now. I guess it was unwise to tackle that broken electrical wire with a pair of scissors.

 Gemini

An interesting offer comes your way later today. Just remember, if you wake up tied and gagged in a whore house in Albania you have only yourself to blame.

 Libra

You’re not getting answers from a close one. It’s probably best that you ring an ambulance right now as that attempt at pleasure through asphyxiation may not have been as good as you first thought it was last night.

 Aquarius

People are pointing fingers at you and you’re not quite sure why. It would be wise to take another look at that film you sent in to ‘You’ve Been Framed’ last week as it will soon dawn on you why.

 Cancer

Do you know that feeling when you just cannot get out of bed in the morning and you are permanently exhausted and feeling ill? Well in your case that will be the chemotherapy and not just because you are a lazy good for nothing benefit cheat.

 Scorpio

Believe nothing you see or hear today as those around you are just a bunch of sycophants and cannot wait to see you fall right on your ass.

 Pisces

Dog Breeding is your life’s passion. But not even you will be able to explain how your current clients Golden Retriever Trixie has managed to have a litter of puppies that all look exactly like you?

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