Government to Clamp Down on ‘Scrounging’ Tots


David Cameron announced today the latest part of the Coalition’s plan to reduce the deficit; a war on workshy children.

In a press conference this afternoon, the Prime Minister set out the Government’s new scheme to get Britain’s babies back to work. Mr. Cameron stated that every baby currently in receipt of child benefit will now be required to attend an interview at their local Job Centre, where they will be forced to apply for work or face the prospect of losing their benefit payments.

The PM claimed that the controversial policy will save the country up to £4 billion in child benefit payments as he believes that a newly-motivated workforce of Britain’s two million under 5’s can be “freed from the poverty trap of benefit- dependence to emerge as stronger, tax-paying citizens, or as you may say, key stakeholders in my Big Society.”

Whilst Lib Dem Cabinet members have so far managed to remain tight-lipped on the matter as the Coalition remains remarkably intact, one senior Tory backbencher, Sir Peregrine Falcon, expressed his delight at the proposal:

“Frankly it’s high time these freeloading workshy little bastards had to sing for their suppers. If decent, hardworking, middle-class white people have to keep working after 65 then I don’t see why we can’t take it out on the whippersnappers eh what?”

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