Weekly Horoscopes 18-22 October 2010


Weekly horoscopes image

Aries

There is a strange feeling coming over and it looks like it is the menopause. Seeing as you are a 28 year-old man it may be wise to visit your doctor.

Leo

A situation in your life has not turned out the way you wanted it to perhaps a higher dosage of strychnine is needed next time.

Sagittarius

Can your day get any worse than it already is you may be asking yourself today? Well the answer is a resounding yes. It’s probably best that you start preying to that god you haven’t spoken to for the last 20 years.

Taurus

That camping trip your friend has arranged is nearly upon you. Remember that DVD of Broke Back Mountain he sent you a week ago? Well I guess you will now know what outdoor activities he may have planed for you both.

Virgo

It is all well and good apologising after the event but just remember Virgo’s he was their only child.

Capricorn

When you were asked if you were a well groomed as a child it was a reference to your appearance and not a cue to mention Uncle Frank and his caravan. Expect a visit from the police later today.

Gemini

The new places you visit for your work open up many doors for you mainly your director of Human Resources office and the numerous Employment Offices you can visit whilst out of work.

Libra

Losing an arm and a leg at the bookmakers is one thing but whilst backpacking through Cambodia and Vietnam well that is a whole different ball game particularly if you happen to also lose a testicle during the same accident.

Aquarius

Greed gets the better of you this week when your Nan’s gold teeth go missing whilst you visited her at the nursing home.

Cancer

A cat is said to have 9 lives unfortunately you are not a cat and your test results have returned from the hospital.

Scorpio

Your meteoric rise in work is less about job promotion than it is about your co-workers strapping you to their home made rocket and launching you off in to space from the roof of your works building.

Pisces

You dig a hole for yourself when it comes to friends. Perhaps it was unwise to let it slip that you were the one who told the police when the bank job was about to go down.

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