Thousands Of Men To Claim They Also Groped Whilst Asleep

Thousands of men are queuing up to claim that they too have the ‘Sexsomania’ condition after a 33 year old from London was cleared of sexual assault.

The 33 year-old window fitter from London was cleared of sexual assault today after he claimed he was suffering from the rare medical condition ‘sexsomnia’ – sexual activity while asleep.

But his defence of sexsomnia was backed by medical experts and he was found not guilty by the jury, in what is being regarded as a landmark case.

He described his ‘great relief ‘ as he played with himself vigorously, whilst talking to a good looking reporter outside Chelmsford Crown Court today with his eyes closed.

‘I am very relieved or at least it will be when I sort myself out ‘

An internet definition describes the condition as similar to sleepwalking and ’causes people to engage in sexual acts such as masturbation, fondling, sexual intercourse and sexual assault or rape while they are asleep’.

Harry ‘The Feltch’ McCoy was overly excited when informed of this landmark case.

‘I tried that one myself a few years ago but ended up doing 6 months in an open prison. Thankfully times have changed  and now we can do what we want as long as we pretend we are asleep. Does this mean I can keep pet animals again?’

Police forces now fear that similar claims by men will be used as an excuse for acts of gross indecency on women. It is not yet clear if a woman will be able to walk free from court if she happens to knock the living daylights out of a man whilst also pretending to be asleep.

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