Noticing Things With Michael McIntyre


DCI Barnaby there investigating yet another murder!

Hello readers! Popular comedian Michael McIntyre here and welcome to my new weekly column where I share with you some of the hilarious things I’ve noticed this week.  So without ado, let us commence.

Car doors eh? What are they like? They only open one way! There I was the other day, about to go and pick up my wife, you know what it’s like fellas? Having a wife and having to pick her up sometimes? What’s that all about? Anyway, there I was about to go and pick up my wife and I was running late as usual! Typical man that I am! Seriously though, why are we always the ones who are late? Who knows? So as I say, I’m about to go and pick up my wife and I’m already late as it is with the man-lateness thing, and then I realise I can’t get the car door open! I must’ve been there for about half-an-hour pushing and shoving that bloody door but would it open? Eventually, I give in and call my wife for assistance and she tells me to try pulling the door to open it! Who knew?

Apple ipads. What is it supposed to be? Is it an iphone or is it a laptop? Make your minds up Apple guys!

And what is the point of washing your dog? You just know that you’re going to spend hours chasing after the stupid thing and dragging it painstakingly slowly, step by tiny doggy step, to the bath. You finally get Rover in there and then what happens? Literally within minutes, he’s off into the garden running around like a 5-year old with ADHD after a pint of Sunny D, getting completely filthy again. And you’re thinking to yourself Why did I bother? That’s two hours of my life I’m never getting back. I could’ve watched two episodes of Murder She Wrote or even a feature-length episode of Midsomer Murders in that time!”

 Talking of which, here’s another thing I’ve noticed. Aren’t there a disproportionate amount of murders in that tiny rural county! You’d think the authorities would do something about it!


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