X Factor Wagner ‘Booted The Queen In The Face’ Say Tabloids

The Queen shortly before the sickening fictitious assualt yesterday

The runaway star of this year’s X Factor, Wagner Fiuza-Carrilho, is said to have “shocked his fellow finalists” by kicking Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II in the face, British tabloid newspapers claimed today.


The shock revelation follows several days of increasingly negative stories appearing in the popular press about the Brazilian singer.

The latest claim is that the burly former lion-tamer “went feral yesterday and broke out of the X Factor rehearsal studios, rampaging all the way to Buckingham Palace, where he beat several guards to death before confonting The Queen in the Palace garden, whereby the Brazil Nut taunted Her Majesty with an eccentric version of the Brazilian national anthem before landing a sickening karate kick to the Monarch’s puzzled face.”

However, rumours abound that not all is exactly as it seems. Many internet messageboard users believe that the recent spate of news articles have been fed to friendly journalists either by X Factor supremo and increasingly Blofeldesque figure Simon Cowell himself or by his ruthless agent Rex Clipboard, as a response to the enormous Facebook campaign by hipster pranksters to persuade viewers to “vote for the joke contestant, you know for a laugh like“.

As Digital Pie messageboard user WagnerIsALedge said “Ha ha! Let’s all ring up and vote 300 times each for Wagner. That’ll show Cowell LOLZ!!!!!!” 

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