Our Lady:The Diary Of A Mother To Be

Dear Diary

Just over a month to go before I drop the baby and Joseph and I are still arguing over names for the baby.

I wanted to go for a more traditional name like Gary or Robbie but Joseph’s mother is putting pressure on him to call him Jesus, after brothers James, Eamon, Steven, Umbongo and Stuart. Jesus as a name doesn’t rock my boat one iota I can tell you. And not matter how much brow beating I have been getting is going to change my mind.

It’s four in the morning and I am exhausted. We were up all night fighting over who the real father is. Joseph just will not believe that I fell pregnant to God the Almighty and is toying with the idea of telling his mother the truth and that may mean a quick stoning in the market square for me if he does.

I think the real problem he has with it all is what would he do if God wants access to his son. To be honest with you it has been on my mind a lot recently too. It would be weird having god and his minions turning up on a Saturday morning to take his son for a father ans son bonding session each week.

I realise these may be small concerns to some but it’s not every day God happens to be the errant father now is it? To top it all Joseph is particularly worried that when the baby does eventually arrive that we may have strangely dressed men turn up from the Father’s For Justice Group and spoil the happy occasion.

Memo to all women and one’s self: Never ever allow male deities enter one’s bedroom and give you their cheesy chat-up lines about saving mankind from evil.  I have had this strange feeling I am being watched at night when I am undressing for bed. Whilst on the subject what does omnipresent actually mean?

I am feeling tired now so hopefully Joseph will be talking to me in the morning and all talk of going to “RELATE” will be forgotten. x

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