Richard Littlejohnson : The columnist who’s finally forsaken his last remaining miniscule scrap of humanity

This sick bastard wants to kill Britain. He must be stopped!

So did you see the student protests the other week? Or the Scum Rampage as they should have called it.

I was shaking with rage as I witnessed the despicable images of destruction and terror perpetrated by these filthy workshy lettuce-munching communists on my 62-inch plasma TV in my luxury Florida home.

So you can my relief when I saw the brave boys from the Met giving the sponging little Trots exactly what they deserved; a conference call with old Terry Truncheon! The next day when the English papers arrived I was looking forward to reading all about the heroism of our boys in blue in repelling the Pinko insurrection but instead, what did I see? A bunch of whining lefty claptrap complaining about some Citizen Smith in a wheelchair getting his human rights violated!

What the hell is this country coming to when our coppers can’t even batter an obvious criminal in public just because he’s a cripple? These liberal pansies can prattle on in their Islington trattorias about human rights all they want but I just want to know this one thing: what about the human rights of rightwing newspaper columnists to enjoy watching young lefties getting a good hiding off heavily-armed coppers? What about that eh Strasbourg?

Enjoy this lovely Christmas Holly Before Wandsworth Council Turn It Into a Lesbian Playgroup

It’s Political Correctness Gone Mad! Festive Special

Well it’s that time of year again when the killjoys and Hindu-lovers are out in force ruining our British Christmas. What have they got planned for us this year I hear you ask? Here’s a brief update from around the country.

In Market Rasen, the local Chamber of Commerce have decreed that for the duration of December, homosexuality is to be compulsory! Inspired, if that’s the correct term for it, by the crackpot economic theory of the Pink Pound, these loonies have sent a shopkeeper with a gun around to every house in the village and are forcing all men to have gay anal sex with another bloke. Every night! For a month!

Social workers in Oxford have confiscated all Christmas trees and are currently in the process of tying them all together to build a step-ladder to Muslim Heaven!

Bureaucrats at a children’s hospital in Settle have banned turkey from the menu on Christmas Day in case it offends Morrissey. In its place they are feeding the kiddies nails on toast!

Spotted any more outrageous examples of traitorous local authorities sticking their busybody beaks into our hard-earned taxpaying festive traditions? Why not let me know. Or you could treat yourself by adding your entirely justified ranting to pretty much any Christmas-related topic on internet message boards, with bonus points for mentioning “is it any wonder the BNP are gaining popularity”. Either way is good.

Anyway, that’s all from me for this year so let me wish you all a very Merry Christmas*.

* Richard’s offer to have a Merry Christmas does not include any of the following: Socialists, of course. Oh and the Muslims. And the Jews. And the Romanian gypsies. And the Scottish. And the gays. And definitely the students.

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