Angels Are Perverts Claim Women

Angels are more likely to visit young single women on their own according to biblical leaders.

In a recent survey, Angels, it can be confirmed are more likely to visit young, single females and largely shun older women as a consequence. This news has shocked religious leaders particularly due to the sexual vulnerability of the young women concerned.

World leaders have expressed their concern today over the rising cases of Angels visiting single women late at night. In unprecedented numbers single women are calling help lines as well as their local police forces to complain of apparent visitations in the middle of the night by men alleging to be angels.

Church leaders have called for calm whilst the numerous claims are investigated.

Mary the mother of Jesus has asked that the claims by single women of child baring age not be dismissed as mere flights of fancy by lonely women looking for some company as stated last Sundays Biblical Times newspaper.

An investigation by respected author Moses Levy on the current situation is due to be published.

“Let’s not forget that it is not just Angels young women have to be worried about. They also have to be careful of God’s appearing from nowhere and impregnating them on the pretence they will be carrying the Messiah. This is a well known trick by deities in order to have their wicked way with young women whom they abandon as soon as the deed is done.”

Ruth a 55 year-old spinster from Bethlehem called on her local religious leaders to act upon the current findings.

‘Dishevellement Equality For All Ages’

“It’s terrible that young women are subjected to such visitation by Angels and the likes. I hear a young woman from Judea was left dishevelled after a recent visit by an Angel. What have these young women got that the over 40’s haven’t got besides firm breast, their own teeth and youth on their side? I could do with some dishevellement in my life too. This is blatant discrimination on a biblical scale if you ask me.”

Action groups are calling for a new form of ASBO to be implemented on the most persistent of Angels and deities to try and put a stop to this form of biblical stalking.

Social Services have confirmed that they will be working closely along side other agencies to try and claim child support for those women who have not already been stoned to death, for claiming they have the son of god in their wombs.

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