Did CIA Rendition Of Suspect Terrorists Mountain Lion Leave Victim In Wrong State?

Speculation is growing this week that the body of a dead mountain lion found 2896 km’s from its natural habitat may have been a Taliban insurgent. 

A possible eyewitness to the finding was 49 year-old Bo Hopkins an unemployed conspiracy theorist. “It sure looked like one of those Taliban terrorists to me. It had long sharp knife like implements protruding from its big hands and feet. it was  definitely brown skinned and had a nasty looking hairy face, no wonder their woman cover their faces with sheets if they can get that hairy!” 

American authorities are denying that this is a Taliban suspect but are yet to release any further details Fox News announced early this morning.  However Glen Beck the darling of the far right has publicly stated that ordinarily he would have no opinion on the finding of a dead Mountain Lion in Connecticut. However, in this instant he fears this is possibly a socialist, terrorist Mountain Lion cell operating with America’s borders.

“Look all I am saying is we didn’t have this type of mysterious goings on when the Republican Party held power in America. Now we have a Communist led government under President Obama well the $hit has truly hit the fan.” The Fox News presenter said in between outbursts of tear jerking insincerity. 

“I want those of our Fox News viewers who can actually write their own names to write in with their support for my new campaign “Don’t Incite Connecticut Killings – D.I.C.K. unless it’s a pinko commie infiltrating Mountain Lion of course.”

Head of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano, expressed her regret that such a wonderful animal had been killed but called for calm over claims the incident was terrorist related.

“I can assure America that we do not have a wildcat splinter cell operating on our soil. This is merely a wild mountain cat that has been killed in a road accident. Any speculation that our government had water boarded the animal is a lie. I can assure you it merely emptied its bladder during the accident and this is why it was wet. We would also like to confirm that Sarah Palin’s announcement that it could be a new Black Panther movement leaves us exasperated beyond words.” 

ABC television have given a blatant plug for one of its own shows as a possible explanation for the animals migration when they claimed that the mountain lion was possibly heading for Cougar Town to get Courtney Cox’s autograph. 

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