Transfer News! Everton Bag Big Money Purchase
A signing to make the fans salivate we're sure you'll agree
Everton F.C have today finally given their anxious supporters something to cheer this transfer window with the announcement of their first summer purchase.
At a specially convened Press Conference at the club’s GoodisonPark home, flamboyant Chairman Bill Kenwright struggled to contain his emotion as he unveiled his blockbuster buy.
“My fellow Evertonians, today I stand before you a proud custodian of this fine and noble club as I announce that I have struck a deal that will place this august institution back at the top table, where we rightfully belong.”
“From this day forth, no employee of The School of Science shall have to settle for inferior day-old pre-packaged supermarket sandwiches for luncheon. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you…the Philpotts Luxury Meal Deal!”
As the lights went up, accompanied by a fanfare, the theatrical impresario dramatically produced a freshly-made Wiltshire ham, salad and English mustard sandwich on wholewheat artisan bread, a packet of upmarket handmade Tyrrell’s crisps and a can of Diet Coke.
“Can any of you believe that I managed to negotiate this stunning lunch package for only £3.50? Now we may not be able to afford the top players anymore, or indeed any players at all to be frank, but at least we can compete with the big boys when it comes to dinners! That’s how much I love Everton, me!”
When it was pointed out to Mr. Kenwright by an unusually-refined journalist that £3.50 was the standard price for a meal deal in all of the northern-based luxury sandwich chain’s shops, he harrumphed “I’m not talking to you any more!” and flounced off.
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