London Counts Down To Olympic Finals



England braces itself as it waits in anticipation of the instant calm in riot torn cities across the land as David Cameron places his backside in the chair at today’s COBRA meeting. The capital has been hit with sporadic outbreaks of rioting, looting and general civil disobedience since Saturday.

This has been whilst Mr Cameron was on holiday in Italy with his family but thankfully the Prime Minister is returning to London. ‘Prime Minister Cameron is returning to save us all’, his spokesperson said in exaltation late last night.

Local resident Simon Osprey from Clapham was angry at the carnage his local are was left in over night. ‘I think they should bring that American law to Britain 3 strikes and you are out. The police should whack these hooligans 3 times with their batons and knock the feckers out!’

Footage of riots across London has been televised across the globe and local sporting events have been cancelled due to possible escalations of wanton violence. Boris Johnson the mayor of London has been quoted as saying ‘If this is what they are like at the start of the football season imagine what London will be like when they host the Olympic games in 2012.’

Police have been over stretched and under protected but it is hoped that this news will remove the spotlight from the Met over the recent News of The World hacking scandal. Home Secretary Theresa May has confirmed that this stand still and do nothing tactic by the Met is working tremendously. When asked about inactivity of the Metropolitan Police to make substantial arrest over the last three days she had this to say.

‘We are aware that people have been concerned over the destruction caused on the streets of the Capital and beyond. However, I can assure you police officers will be stationed inside every Cash Converters in the capital over the next few weeks and arrests will be made.’

Elsewhere charity organisations confirmed this morning that they are mobilising air lifts to the most affected suburbs of London. Supplies of Nike, Puma and Adidas training shoes, laptops, iPods, mobile phones as well as flat screen televisions are being organised to help those who have not been able to loot enough from high street shops.

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