X Factor Maloney ‘Chinned A Swan’ Claim Tabloids


The contoversial star of this year’s X Factor, Christopher Maloney, is said to have “shocked his fellow finalists” by punching a defenceless swan in the face, British tabloid newspapers claimed today.

The shock revelation follows weeks of increasingly negative stories appearing in the popular press about the Scouse shouter.The latest claim is that the Nan-loving former cruise-ship cantillator “went feral yesterday and broke out of the X Factor rehearsal studios, rampaging all the way to Hyde Park, where he beat several wardens to death before confronting the lone swan and bellowing the Engelbert Humpedinck classic ‘Please Release Me’ into the startled bird’s face before felling the poor creature with a sickening right-hook to the beak.”

However, rumours abound that not all is exactly as it seems. Many twitter users believe that the recent spate of news articles have been fed to friendly journalists by X Factor supremo and increasingly Blofeldesque figure Simon Cowell himself, fearing a win by Maloney would fatally undermine the credibility of the money-spinning karaoke contest.

Bookmakers have slashed the odds on a Maloney victory as news broke of yet another internet campaign to ‘rig’ the result of X Factor. The campaign’s mastermind BaloneyIsALedge said “Ha ha! Let’s all ring up and vote 300 times each for Baloney. That’ll show Cowell LOLZ!!!!!!”

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