Sport Relief: Next Year’s Challenge?

After Davina McCall’s death-defying triathlon challenge helped Sport Relief make a record £51 million in donations, we can exclusively reveal that the bar will be raised higher than ever before next year. And this time, you get to pick which essentially well-meaning but vainglorious celebrity undertakes some sort of push-yourself-to-the-limit borderline foolhardy publicity stunt that is in no way about them whatsoever.

Shit-eating grin? Let's hope so!

Shit-eating grin? Let’s hope so!

The Rank News is proud to present the shortlist for next year’s craven MBE chaser hero:

Nettles Among The Nettles: Bergerac and Midsomer Murders hunk John Nettles bids to follow in the footsteps of infamous ‘Naked Rambler’ Stephen Gough and take a healthy in-the-buff romp through every patch of stinging nettles in the Home Counties.

Eve of Destruction: Waking The Dead smoothie Trevor Eve promises to visit every flat-roofed pub in the East Midlands (and Stoke) and lay waste to each and every resident hardman. Stripped to the waist!

Graham Gooch wrestling a lynx.

Jimmy Corkhill working in a garage.

And now it’s up to you. Pretend to vote for your favourite but it won’t matter a bit either way cos we all know James Corden’s going to gracelessly elbow his fat cunt face into it somehow.

Having said that, if you can bear it and can afford to give a quid here’s a link to what is, despite the cavalcade of absolute gobshites, a very worthwhile charity:

And you never know, if we pony up enough coin they just might go for our idea of flinging shit into Corden’s ludicrously self-satisfied grid. As Elvis ‘King’ Presley once said “If I Can Dream”.

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