Richard Littlejohnson : Why I’m Running For Pope

Last week, after speaking at one of my regular ‘Patriots Nights’ in the No Income Tax No VAT pub in Florida, many influential and political figures brought to my attention that there’s a vacancy at the top of the Catholic Church. Seeing a chance at making a real difference to a great religion, and more … Continue reading

The Rank News Magazine September Issue

The Rank News Magazine has a religious feel to it this month as we go behind the recent scenes of the controversy within the Catholic Church. Rest assured your favourite magazine is still full to the brim with its usual Gossip and Celebrity News.

Pope to Make Cheryl Cole Catholic Church’s 1st Living Saint

Pope Benedict XIV will crown his state visit to the UK next month by announcing a momentous break in tradition for the Catholic Church. For the first time in its almost 2000 year history, the Church is set to canonise a living person and that person is to be our own Angel of the North, … Continue reading

Vatican To Supply Religious Lucky Charms To MOD

Vatican we can confirm are to Supply MOD with protective rosary beads after Guardsman Glen Hockton was saved during a patrol in Afghanistan. This news has created a flood of requests from hundreds of soldiers for their own religious paraphernalia. Christian shops across the country have reported excessive sales compared to previous years and are … Continue reading

Pope Condemns Denial Of Holocaust

Early Picture of Pope Discovered

An early picture of pope Benedict XVI has been found in the cellars of what was the Hitler Youth headquarters in Berlin. The picture appears to show the young Benedict receiving the blessing of the Nazi party on his head from his local Stummpengrummpenfuher. The pope claims he has no recollection of the incident but … Continue reading

Pope Speaks of Peace In The World?

Speaking from the Vatican, the Pope prayed for the opponents of the “twisted logic of conflict and violence” I take it he wasn’t listening to his own twisted logic of conflict when speaking out about non heterosexual genders?

Vatican Deny Shroud Of Turin Toilet Paper Being Used In Pope Benedict’s Private Restroom

A Vatican spokesman today denied rumours that the Shroud of Turin’s ancient image is adorned across the pope’s very own toilet paper. When asked to stop back tracking and wipe the slate clean by an overly enthusiastic local report, cardinal Alphonso had this to say to awaiting press. ” We totally refute such blatant lies, … Continue reading

George Bush And Pope In Record Breaking Mistake

President Bush made another howler after seeing Pope Benedict on the news in a recent religious ceremony. President Bush assuming that the pope was competing in the Record Breaking spittoon attempt prepared himself for his very own attempt at the record. A spokes person for the Record Breakers Association would not deny nor confirm if … Continue reading

The Global News Terrorists Reviews Vatican’s 10 Commandments

The Vatican took a day off from its normal theological matters last Tuesday to issue its own rules of the road. It issued a 36-page document entitled “Guidelines for the Pastoral Care of the Road” containing 10 Commandments covering everything from road rage, respecting pedestrians, keeping a car in good shape and avoiding rude gestures … Continue reading

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