Sport Relief: Next Year’s Challenge?

After Davina McCall’s death-defying triathlon challenge helped Sport Relief make a record £51 million in donations, we can exclusively reveal that the bar will be raised higher than ever before next year. And this time, you get to pick which essentially well-meaning but vainglorious celebrity undertakes some sort of push-yourself-to-the-limit borderline foolhardy publicity stunt that … Continue reading

Richard Littlejohnson’s Christmas Message

HO HO HO! Is the appalling kind of urban gutter-talk that lefty agitators are insisting must come from Our Lord and Saviour Santa Claus this Christmas. For those of you thankfully not ‘in the know’ like the anything-goes tights-wearing pinkoes in the ‘media’ world (oooh hello Edward!), ‘ho’ is a rapper’s word for a prostitute. … Continue reading

Margaret Thatcher : An Apology

The death of former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher has caused a great deal of soul-searching at the Rank News. And we feel that we owe you, our loyal readers, a sincere apology. On that fateful Monday, we have to admit that we were too busy getting pissed to come up with the kind of vaguely-humourous … Continue reading

Richard Littlejohnson : Why I’m Running For Pope

Last week, after speaking at one of my regular ‘Patriots Nights’ in the No Income Tax No VAT pub in Florida, many influential and political figures brought to my attention that there’s a vacancy at the top of the Catholic Church. Seeing a chance at making a real difference to a great religion, and more … Continue reading

Ricky Gervais Disgusted At Boyle’s Paralympic Tweets

Cash-for-controversy comedian Frankie Boyle was today rapped by fellow funnyman Ricky Gervais for his reportedly offensive comments about the Paralympic Games.  

Transfer News: John Terry Set For Switch To…. Rugby Union!

In an announcement set to rock the Premier League, cartoonishly-villainous Chelsea captain John Terry is set to turn his back on football and re-start his sporting career in Rugby Union. The controversial England ace is believed to have grown weary of the mass opprobrium that has been hurled in his direction over the past three years … Continue reading

Richard Littlejohnson Introduces A Board Game For Bigots

Daily Mail readers. Do you struggle to find time in your hectic hatemongering schedules to shop for suitable presents for little Timmy and Jocasta that won’t warp their innocent little minds with modern leftist butchery? Well worry no more. Right-Thinking Games introduce the new board game that’s going down a storm in middle England. We … Continue reading

Capello On Brink After Stanley Matthews’ England Quit Stunner

England manager Fabio Capello was left reeling today after the unexpected international retirement of legendary winger Stanley Matthews. The latest body-blow to the hapless Italian supremo was delivered by Sir Stanley’s ‘spokesman’, ridiculous shyster Derek Acorah. The oleaginous charlatan, 52, released a statement purporting to speak on behalf of Sir Stan saying “It is with … Continue reading

Westboro Baptist Church Urged To ‘Tone It Down A Little’ By The KKK

The controversial church featured in the Louis Theroux documentaries ‘America’s Most Hated Family’ and ‘America’s Most Hated Family In Crisis’ has today been condemned for their extremist views by the Ku Klux Klan. The Westboro Baptist Church have become notorious for their offensive protests at the funerals of US soldiers killed in battle, whereby they … Continue reading

Special Investigation : What Does Nick Clegg Actually Do? Secret Diaries Reveal All

With the Prime Minister David Cameron being out of the country this week as he tours the Middle East flogging shooters, the spotlight has fallen on the Deputy PM, who is supposedly ‘minding the shop’ in the meantime. Yet today it transpired that Mr. Clegg has decided to take the rest of the week off, … Continue reading

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