The Rank News Magazine Out Now

    In this weeks Rank News Magazine we have an exclusive Todd Akin bracelet offer for all you diehard Republicans out there. Also inside Republican Politicians wives seek answers after further cases of political suicide are about to be unearthed.   Related articles “Pandering To The Stupid”: Why The GOP Breeds Politicians Like Todd … Continue reading

The Sun Apologises For Printing Pictures Of A Naked Ginger

Public outcry still surrounds the Sun newspaper after they released naked pictures of Prince Harry this week. The pictures have resulted in Royal disapproval and a written complaint to the press standards committee.

Mars Rover Curiosity Hits A Snag

Mars Rover Curiosity hit a snag today Nasa officials confirmed.

Transfer News: John Terry Set For Switch To…. Rugby Union!

In an announcement set to rock the Premier League, cartoonishly-villainous Chelsea captain John Terry is set to turn his back on football and re-start his sporting career in Rugby Union. The controversial England ace is believed to have grown weary of the mass opprobrium that has been hurled in his direction over the past three years … Continue reading

Victims Thank Akin and Galloway For Enlightening Them With The Truth

Congressman Todd Akins and British politician George Galloway’s clarification on the legitimacy  of rape have been welcomed by confused victims this week.  Akins who stated a woman’s ability to conceive her unwanted child proves that she was not, in fact legitimately raped was great comfort to the many thousands of women viciously raped in America … Continue reading

Church Stunned By Monkey Fresco

An elderly woman has stunned Spanish cultural officials with her unorthorised attempts at restoring a prized Jesus Christ fresco. Ecce Homo (Behold the Man) by Elias Garcia Martinez has held pride of place in the Sanctuary of Mercy Church near Zaragoza for more than 100 years. The woman took her paintbrush to it after years … Continue reading

O2 Customers Tell Syrians You Don’t Know What Hardship Is

Furious O2 customers have bombarded social media sites in the last 24 hours in protest against the failure of the mobile network. The wrathful reaction of disaffected users has become worldwide news as the day-long loss of mobile signal to several millions of Brits has been described as “worse than the atrocities in Syria”.

Men’s Version of Fifty Shades Of Grey Revealed

Fellas! Worried that you may be missing out on all the fanny-fiddling fun the girls are having with worldwide smash Fifty Shades Of Grey? Well worry no more! Rank News can reveal that a male equivalent is to be published and here is an exclusive sneak peek. 

Italian Government To Introduce Caravan Tax If Andy Carroll Joins Milan

Italian government to force thru caravan tax law if Milan move for Liverpool Football Club’s Andy Carroll. Italian Prime Minister Mario Monti today announced that he would be seeking parliamentary backing for a new Caravan Tax to help his country’s crippling debt crisis. The news follows media speculation that Liverpool Football Club have had interest … Continue reading

New Jubilee Range To Go On Sale This Week

After the apparent success of the Queens Jubilee celebrations Buckingham Palace have confirmed that a new range of clothing will go on general sale in shops in London later this month. It has not yet been confirmed if the t-shirts will come in a waterproof version or not. Related articles The Queen’s Diamond Jubilee weekend … Continue reading

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