British Poor Rejoice At Rich Resurgence In Fortunes

The Poorest in the nation rejoice as the UK’s super-rich have seen resurgence in their fortunes.

According to the Times Rich List the collective fortunes of the top 1,000 on the list have risen by 30% in the past year – the biggest jump in the list’s 22-year history – to £333.5bn.

Last year the top 1,000 saw their fortunes decrease by about £155bn – to £258bn – and the number of billionaires fell from 75 to 43. This time, it has risen by 10 to 53. Experts have confirmed that last years drop in the number of billionaires may have increased the depression many of the poor felt during the recent recession.

Multi-Billionaires across the country have welcomed the news as it keeps
the riffraff in their place and reconfirms the status quo in the country.

Upon hearing the news unemployed sheet metal worker Harry Brown confirmed, “That’s lifted my spirits no end. I was feeling rather depressed over the last 18 months, what with losing my job at a local factory and my wife becoming disabled all within the last year. It has been a struggle paying the rent and as for feeding our five young children, well that’s another matter “Mr Brown explained.

Hearing that the super rich are getting back on track is wonderful news. I cannot wait to get home and tell my wife she will be over the moon. If she could walk I know she would do a dance round the kitchen after I tell this news” Mr Brown confirmed gleefully.

The Rich List profiles the 1,000 wealthiest people in the UK and the 250 richest people in Ireland. The Times Newspaper would not confirm if it had plans to start publishing the Times Poor List. Sir Horace Radish, co-owner of the newspaper confirmed “I doubt very much that any of them can afford the £1.50 for the Sunday newspaper. As such, I doubt a list of the poorest in the land would be of much use to them other than to light their coal fires with. If indeed they even own one that is!”

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