Weekly Horoscopes 13-17th sept

horoscopes image


Do you know the way those voices in your head tell you what you should and shouldn’t do well unfortunately they have short-circuited. Perhaps the bloodied knife will tell you all you need to know.


Every cloud has a silver lining but today yours just happens to be the mercury laced water you drank on you Amazonian holiday searing through your body.


Its looking messy this week as your moon enters Uranus leading to an unstable time probably best you bring a spare pair of trousers to work preferably not the white ones.


Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and your human eye collection appears to substantiate this well versed saying.


People are looking at you strange today but seeing as you are a congenitally combined twin starting your first job that’s not unusual now is it.


Making new friends is never easy, especially in a new job. Be prepared for your diatribes to fall on plenty of deaf ears during your nightshift at the morgue. Sexual tension may get the better of you be warned.


A long lost relative comes back in to your life this week followed by a team of police detectives so be prepared for some very strong questioning over that insurance policy you took out.


Depression is sweeping over you today but at least news of your next door neighbours death on the motorway will bring a glimmer of joy back in to your life.


The animal in you today is fighting to get out so I take it that experiment with the tube and the hamster kind of went wrong?


It may be a good time to contact old and new friends.


Life as a pilot means you have the lives of more than just yourself in your hands. Unfortunately for the passengers there is only one parachute and that mountain is getting ever closer.


When you were told to cut all ties with your former partner I guess it must have seemed natural to go on and cut all his shirts, pants and suits too

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