Scientists Move Doomsday Clock Forward To 23:59.59 as Palin Presidential Bid Gathers Pace


The scientists in charge of setting the Doomsday Clock today announced that they were moving it forward to it’s latest-ever setting of 1 second before midnight in response to rampant speculation that Tea Party darling Sarah Palin will run for the Presidency of the United States of America in 2012.

The Doomsday Clock is a symbolic clock face, maintained since 1947 by the board of directors of the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists at the University of Chicago, which shows how close mankind is to a global catastrophe. 

After the announcement of the shock victory of Palin protégé Christine O’Donnell in the Republican primary of Delaware, many political experts now believe that the former Governor of Alaska is almost certain to put herself forward as a Presidential candidate for the next election in 2012.

Mrs O’Donnell, an extremely religious gun-lover who believes that masturbation is a sin, was considered to be much too right-wing to win the Republican nomination. However, it seems that the endorsement of ‘the hillbilly’s pin-up’ Mrs Palin, garnered the so-called ‘maverick’ candidate the required votes of the disaffected and uneducated rural white working classes to clinch an astonishing victory.

As Professor Abel Xavier of the University of Chicago explained, the logic in making the alarming shift in the Doomsday Clock to show that the World is now on the brink of apocalypse is perfectly clear. “If this terrifyingly ill-informed yet wantonly-ignorant shit-for-brains rifle-toting hayseed Annie Oakley-wannabe actually manages to get her hands on the nuclear codes it’ll make Dr. Strangelove look like a fucking Merchant-Ivory picture.”

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