Parishioner Shocked Jesus Appears In Church


Jesus shocks church goers by appearing during a church meeting and not on a slice of cheese or a coffee cup stain. Congregation at the church which witnessed the apparition were still recovering last night from it all.

“It has shocked me I don’t mind telling you!” Mrs Mary Robinson confirmed. “One minute I was sitting in a cold dark church preying to God to let me win the lottery or tonight’s bingo jackpot at the parish hall. Suddenly without warning the face of what looked like a long haired hippyappeared on the wall next to me. Naturally I screamed the place down; I mean it’s not natural for Jesus to appear that way. Normally he appears in crisps or vegetables but not in a ruddy church. After all that I went and forgot the numbers I wanted to use for the lottery rollover.”

The parish priest at the Holy Cross church where Jesus was believed to have appeared would only confirm that Mrs Robinson had in fact informed him of her sighting.

Records for the last twenty years have proven Mrs Robinson right in her claim that Jesus very rarely appears in churches. A number of sightings this year alone have been:-

Jalapeno Cheese at a cheese counter in Sidcup

At the bottom of a cup of tea at an Exeter Service Station

On a cushion after TV celebrity Vanessa Feltz had been sitting on it at Spearmint Rhino. Scientists however, have so far refused to touch the said cushion until specialist equipment has been brought in.

The last known sighting was in a tramps underpants after a heavy night on a bottle of Tesco’sown brand Vodka near Waterloo Bridge, London. It has been rumoured however, that one eye witness confirmed that the stain looked more like the map of Africa than the son of God.

Local church leaders are currently investigating the circumstances behind this out of the ordinary apparition by Jesus in a church. The Vatican have confirmed that they are still currently investigating the appearance of Jesus on a half eaten chapatti at one of the Popes celebrated Ale and Curry nights outside Rome. As such they will leave the investigation up to the local diocese

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