Panda Porn Causes Some Scorne


Kidderminster Zoo has sparked an out cry from animal rights activist after it was confirmed that one of their star animals, Chiang – Chiang the male panda was allowed to watch an adult panda movie.

Chiang-Chiang a six year old male panda from China and Beyonce a five year old female panda born in Essex Zoo have been on a mate watch for over a year now. Due to the sexual inactivity of the male panda nothing has happened during this period. Female pandas become pregnant only once a year and deliver two cubs at most each time. Unfortunately Chiang-Chiang only wants to stay in his room watching day time television and placing bets with his local book makers.

“We took it upon ourselves to try and spice up their lives by introducing new methods to encourage Chiang-Chiang to get in the mood. We cooled their cage down and created a mist to make it feel more like the mountainous province in China he is from but it didn’t work. We introduced a fresh diet to try and boost his prowess but to no avail. We were at a loss until a colleague came up with the idea of porn. so we managed to get a movie the Chinese have used in the past which shows pandas in action.” The Manager at the zoo confirmed.

We asked if this tactic had in fact worked on Chiang-Chiang. “Well to be honest the Chinese movie hasn’t, it’s been a bit of non-starter. If anything, Chaing-Chiang has become a little too enthusiastic with other movies and less so with Beyonce. At the moment he has rented out five DVD’s which he watches in his room alone with a box of tissues and a copy of Play Panda’s. As for the cool cage and mist like ambience he has asked can we install a Swedish Sauna in his room and to start calling him Sven.”

We have managed to get a copy of the list of movies Chiang-Chiang is watching currently.
1. Debbie does Shaanxi province.
2. Hot Hoes with Black and White toes.
3. Eats Shoots And Leaves – Male chauvinism in the bedroom documentary.
4. Big Hooters and Large Shooters 4
5. Gang Bang Honey Bears 2

Animal activist have declared that they will boycott the zoo if this activity continues. Chaing-Chiang upon being asked what he thought about the protests replied,

“Tell them to get lost. Anyone who tries to take my movies and mags away from me will lose a nose. And just to get the record straight, this Daddy doesn’t need Viagra.”

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